1. Gangsters getting arrested on Merle Hay Road attract a lot of attention. Especially when there is an ambulance, fire truck and 2-3 police cruisers lined up at 5:30 p.m. close to a very busy intersection. Additional note, when your huge baggy pants previously fitted around your mid buttcrack are now around your ankles, that really makes the rubber neckers take a second glance. Nice boxers, bro.
2. If you have a completely sweat soaked t-shirt with a gaping 9" diameter hole exposing the entire left shoulder blade, does it make you feel like you must be working out more than everyone else? I have at least 6 t-shirts I could donate to this sad, pathetic cause....but hey, feel the burn, man. Maybe he's trying to see how long he can carry on with this get up before the gym gives him one of their complimentary 'Luv Ur Body' tees.
3. If I weren't blogging, my home computer would be rendered completely useless this Lenten season. Tonight instead of stalking facebook friends or watching local news coverage of the impending doom headed to the Des Moines area, I watched a MSNBC program about Facebook taking over the world. One of the main issues noted by Lester Holt were Facebook's constantly changing privacy settings. Some idiot woman was on looking for sympathy after she was fired from her teaching position because some parents noticed that she was venting on her Facebook page about her job and students. If you don't know how to use it, control the privacy settings, etc., don't use it! There is nothing requiring anyone to have a personal Facebook account. Sidenote: if I recall correctly, this teacher was in the IT/technology field. Something tells me our students are better off with her early retirement.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
It’s Time To Play March Beard Madness!
Best bracket I've ever filled out.
After 'Dad in the early 80's' beats out Kenny Rogers, I think Jesus and 'Dad' will have a tough match up in the final 4. On the other side of the bracket, Raffi and Kimbo Slice are bound to have dramatic dual. In my opinion it'll come down to a championship round between 'Dad' and Kimbo. Your bracket may pan out differently, but that's probably because your dad didn't have such sweet side burns.
It’s Time To Play March Beard Madness!
After 'Dad in the early 80's' beats out Kenny Rogers, I think Jesus and 'Dad' will have a tough match up in the final 4. On the other side of the bracket, Raffi and Kimbo Slice are bound to have dramatic dual. In my opinion it'll come down to a championship round between 'Dad' and Kimbo. Your bracket may pan out differently, but that's probably because your dad didn't have such sweet side burns.
It’s Time To Play March Beard Madness!
Monday, March 14, 2011
The only person who pulls off a matching sweatsuit is Betty White.
First, it's imperative that you watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_0Ta_DIWuU
Now, picture Phoebe running on a treadmill in front of me for 20 minutes. Wearing flare khaki pants that are 3 inches too short. At one point I think the drawstring may have been creeping from front to back between her legs. Yes, I was paying very close attention. Either that or she was working up enough friction to burn a hole in the crotch. I couldn't stick around to see the fallout.
Meanwhile, up trots a middle aged gal sporting a navy polyester sweatsuit that was tight 15 pounds ago. She is head to toe in navy blue, because what goes better with your navy sweatsuit than your navy Dallas Cowboy's hat. Fancy.
And just when you think I'm picking on older people, oh no. The young aren't immune to these fashion faux pas or my judgemental eye either. Some young cat made about 6 laps around the gym getting water every 10 minutes or so, all the while wearing white spandex capri pants, and I'm pretty sure there were no undies underneath. Sure, she would put me to shame in any body attractiveness scale or contest, so, yes, I'm probably being jealous, but I've said it once and I'll say it again. If I ever open up a gym there will be a dress code that requires all shorts or pants to be black, and everyone would have to wear a shirt that didn't expose their nipples from the arm holes. You may think that your teal shorts are really cute and match your Reebok t-shirt so nicely, but I have news for you, when you're not concentrating on your snuggie, I am, and I can almost read the Hanes tag of your underwear thru your shorts. Breathable fabric, people!
When I wasn't considering poking my eyes out I was choking on the overwhelming cologne from the fellows on each side of me. Goodness gracious, man! A shower does the same thing without offending everyone in your wake.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_0Ta_DIWuU
Now, picture Phoebe running on a treadmill in front of me for 20 minutes. Wearing flare khaki pants that are 3 inches too short. At one point I think the drawstring may have been creeping from front to back between her legs. Yes, I was paying very close attention. Either that or she was working up enough friction to burn a hole in the crotch. I couldn't stick around to see the fallout.
Meanwhile, up trots a middle aged gal sporting a navy polyester sweatsuit that was tight 15 pounds ago. She is head to toe in navy blue, because what goes better with your navy sweatsuit than your navy Dallas Cowboy's hat. Fancy.
And just when you think I'm picking on older people, oh no. The young aren't immune to these fashion faux pas or my judgemental eye either. Some young cat made about 6 laps around the gym getting water every 10 minutes or so, all the while wearing white spandex capri pants, and I'm pretty sure there were no undies underneath. Sure, she would put me to shame in any body attractiveness scale or contest, so, yes, I'm probably being jealous, but I've said it once and I'll say it again. If I ever open up a gym there will be a dress code that requires all shorts or pants to be black, and everyone would have to wear a shirt that didn't expose their nipples from the arm holes. You may think that your teal shorts are really cute and match your Reebok t-shirt so nicely, but I have news for you, when you're not concentrating on your snuggie, I am, and I can almost read the Hanes tag of your underwear thru your shorts. Breathable fabric, people!
When I wasn't considering poking my eyes out I was choking on the overwhelming cologne from the fellows on each side of me. Goodness gracious, man! A shower does the same thing without offending everyone in your wake.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
April - this is for you!
Someone find where this prepubescent crooner is going to be in concert. I feel a roadtrip coming on.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
That's right, I did it!
I gave up Facebook for Lent. So here's to 40 days and nights of no status updates, no bitching about the stupidity of some people on my news feed, no moderate stalking, and no uploading sweet pics of my weekend debauchery. Luckily for you, dear readers, I have a blogger ap on my phone...you may just get some random 160 character posts if I find something extremely entertaining that I must share with cyberspace immediately.
I've been throwing random topics around recently, I don't know, to maybe get some consistency on here...and I'm guessing Lent will be a good reason to blog more. Hopefully that isn't more self destructive, but I'm sure it'll be better than the other option....chronicling the bipolar disorder of my underwear drawer. Roommate and I had a brief (no pun intended, for real) conversation about the psychosis of our underwear drawers. And since I believe I wear the same 10 pair in rotation depending on laundry day or tight pants, I was going to hold off on doing undie laundry until I actually needed to, like wear every single pair in my drawer, and journal about my adventures. To make that process easier, I started by throwing away at least 15 pairs that I knew would end in either tears or excessive bitchiness. This is still an option that hasn't been ruled out.
I've been throwing random topics around recently, I don't know, to maybe get some consistency on here...and I'm guessing Lent will be a good reason to blog more. Hopefully that isn't more self destructive, but I'm sure it'll be better than the other option....chronicling the bipolar disorder of my underwear drawer. Roommate and I had a brief (no pun intended, for real) conversation about the psychosis of our underwear drawers. And since I believe I wear the same 10 pair in rotation depending on laundry day or tight pants, I was going to hold off on doing undie laundry until I actually needed to, like wear every single pair in my drawer, and journal about my adventures. To make that process easier, I started by throwing away at least 15 pairs that I knew would end in either tears or excessive bitchiness. This is still an option that hasn't been ruled out.
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